Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
