i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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