Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
