Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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