my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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