An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
