I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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