Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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