It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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