I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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