it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize