At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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