i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
