"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
