I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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