tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
