its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
