Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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