I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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