Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it's not cheating when I paid for it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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