In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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