so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
