Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
