I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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