You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
