I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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