Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize