I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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