Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
