so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
