am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
