So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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