You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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