somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
