My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
