That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
