Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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