I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
