I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This is my gift to your gina
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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