Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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