..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
