so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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