pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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