Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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