hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
