She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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