i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
