wanna go halves on a baby?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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