Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
