Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
