Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
