hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize