Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
