it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
