I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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