I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
