White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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