I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
nutella sex= disaster
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
