Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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