life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize