Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
