I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
