I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
