if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
