No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I will pee on everything he values.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
