I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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