Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
