Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
