every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
