I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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