Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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