I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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