I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
