wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
