Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
