those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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