What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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