Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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