Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
