Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
