are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
