you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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