i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
