How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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