you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
