My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
