Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
