then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize