i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
