Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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