Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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