ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
