So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
