the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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