Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
