i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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