that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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