That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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